I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
