lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
