The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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