Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
