guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
