There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
