Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
