All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
