I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
