they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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