And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
