maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
