You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
