at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
