so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
