my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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