Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
