I just pynch a tree in the face
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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