I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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