Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
