Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
