i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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