You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
