Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your cock deserves a montage
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
