if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
