seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
