My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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