I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
