Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
