She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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