Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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