a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
