i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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