I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
