Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
