he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
