Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
