I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
