When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
