You smell like stripper and shame
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
