Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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