its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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