Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she told me i tasted like america
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
