Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
