He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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