Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
