someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
