The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
