i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
