I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
