Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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