Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
