Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
