fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
